Growing up, I was quiet child. Tightly wound. A constant feeling of pressure in my chest from the coils of my feelings. Slowly tightening as the years passed.
Few truly knew me. My circle was small. I was an enigma wrapped in a mystery.
As I’ve gone through life, I have come to realize that my patience to open up is truly a virtue. I also learned that my silence was a detriment. My unwillingness often led to heartbreak.
I’m wiser now. I own the keys to my emotions. Not everyone deserves to be let in. I’ll speak the words I kept in my head and in my heart to those who are worthy.
“Free Weights and Freedom” https://wp.me/p9wDyf-G , I discussed my inability or unwillingness to express my feelings and emotions. As a child and even throughout most of my adult life, I never fully gave friends and lovers full access to me emotionally. As my good friend Brad Dilly likes to say, “I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery.”
***
I grew up in a household with an alcoholic mother who drank nightly and a father who was a small time drug dealer which caused me to feel like I always had something to hide. I kept everything locked inside. This obviously had an effect on me and is the main reason why I am reserved in nature and have a hard time fully opening up to people. I will say this however; my upbringing made me the strong resilient man I am today. It took me a long time to realize where my resiliency comes from. Through all of my parents problems, they always provided for my brothers and I and ensured holidays were special. For years, my mother battled her drinking demons and eventually won at the age of 50. She has been sober for the last 16 years. My mother also quit smoking, got her drivers license, and now has multiple tattoos.
***
My father has been sober from his drug addiction for 25 years. As an 18 year old kid, new to the military and living in Alaska I received a call from my dad, saying he was checking in to treatment. Hearing my dad sound so defeated broke me down. My father is a Vietnam Veteran and a hero to me. He beat his addiction because his family meant more to him than the drugs. In September, my mother and father celebrated their 47th wedding anniversary. I know they truly love each other!
Despite all the issues I faced growing up, I don’t hold any grudges against my parents. It was important for me to tell them because of the guilt I know they felt. These experiences shaped my character and molded me into the man I am today. Some of my greatest attributes are that I do not rattle easy, I am even-keeled, and was unflappable during four deployments to war. I refuse to use it as an excuse as much as I don’t wear it like a badge of honor.
***
Since my divorce, I have made a conscious effort to work on this, and these heartfelt words about my closest friends are part of my progression.
***
I was thinking about how much I enjoyed last weekend and it brought me back to this picture. There are not 3 people (outside of immediate family) on this planet that I am closer to than Bartlomiej Kukula, Justin Spalding, and Brad Dilly. This picture of us is more than 17 years old and the fact that all of us were there together last weekend shows how much we still mean to each other.
Left to Right: Justin, Bart, Adam, Brad
I have known Bart and Brad for almost 30 years and Justin now for 17. It always amazes me to see that no matter how much time we spend apart, we alwayspick up right where we left off. We have shared our highest of highs and our lowest of lows with each other. The three of us have always been there for each other (fucking tearing up typing this, man up Tripp) and I know if ever called upon,they would be there at the drop of a hat.
***
Last weekend was everything that makes our friendship special. Brad and I share a similar upbringing that forever bonds us. Both of us had less than ideal childhoods but we managed to persevere. Brad describes us as fucking grinders! We lived together for a short time when I was in Omaha as a recruiter in 2001. Within a few months of moving in, the neighbors referred to him as a sick sad creep, he drove his car through the garage door, and pioneered online dating. He is always down to participate in some shenanigans. I will talk about a bachelor party we hosted at our house that involved Twister and baby oil at a later date. With Bart living in Poland and Justin living in Des Moines, Brad and I have become very close. He is my brother.
Brad and I watching Husker football
Bart and I met at South High as freshman and shared honors English together. Our bond formed through our love of sports and the Spring Lake Football League. These games were absolute wars on the gridiron that were not for the faint of heart. This league produced Hall of Famers such as Mike Boldt, Todd Gillespie, Don Bitler, Chris Navarrette, along with Brad, Bart, and myself. Bart and I both joined the military out of high school and our Army service will be something we can share with each other. This experience paid off huge during the Bomb Burrito recon mission after karaoke.
We both love lifting weights and I was fortunate to have Bart handle me at my first powerlifting competition last July. I was a nervous wreck the morning of the meet. Bart was there to help me warm-up, keep me calm, and was spot-on with the attempt selections. Bart’s coaching was the main reason I made all nine of my lift attempts. I could see it in his face and hear it in his voice how excited he was for me. After the competition, I went back and watched the videos of my lifts. In the background you can hear Bart yelling words of encouragement and cheering after a made lift. I was just as happy that Bart was able to be there and contribute to my success than with my own success that day.
Bart and I after my first powerlifting meet
Justin and I met through Bart when they both worked at 24-hour fitness in 2002. I eventually moved in with them and greatness was born! Justin and I bonded through our mutual enjoyment of entertaining people. We became dance floor legends at Eli’s and were so good that guys thought we were gay and women tried booking us to “perform” at bachelorette parties. Our first ever karaoke performance was completely unplanned at Beer City in South Omaha. We saw a microphone, a crowd, and at that moment a beam of light shined down on us and we knew our purpose. Our greatest karaoke achievement came when we won a contest for best duo at Club Roxbury in Omaha. Our prize was being taken to Denny’s by three women with lovely personalities. Justin and I enjoyed our Santa Fe Skillets while the three ladies hurled sexual innuendos our way. Justin and I played well off of each other and would test random comedy bits on unsuspecting people. One of our greatest bits was convincing when that we were B Movie actors on Cinemax… better known as Skinemax! I still feel bad for the poor Hooters waitress that stayed up until 2AM to catch is in the highly acclaimed movie, The Sexperiment.
The Dynamic Duo
We recently created the group FGI (Fun Guys Incorporated)on Facebook . FGI originated in 2002 during a trip to Worlds of Fun in Kansas City. This trip could be an entire blog post but here are a few of the highlights. Illegally parked, illegally camped (Bart for some reason wanted to sleep in a tent), botched dine and dash, invited back to a hotel only to be kicked out, almost mowed over by a tractor, nearly thrown out of Oceans of Fun, snuck into Worlds of Fun, and drove back by security to our illegally parked vehicle. It was at this moment when Bart said to us, “We are just a bunch of fun guys!”
https://www.facebook.com/groups/812443688936141/
FGI has brought me closer to another great friend of mine Don Bitler. Bit, let’s make an effort to see each other soon. He is an incredible storyteller that contributes to this blog. We will finish the book about the Chicago road trip in 1991.
***
Maybe I’m a bitch for writing this but I want these guys to know that I do, and have always appreciated our friendship. We have had some epic fucking adventures and I truly love you guys.
***
Don’t keep words in your heart and in your head. Tell people how you feel and value your friendships.
