Coiled

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Growing up, I was quiet child. Tightly wound. A constant feeling of pressure in my chest from the coils of my feelings. Slowly tightening as the years passed.

Few truly knew me. My circle was small. I was an enigma wrapped in a mystery.

As I’ve gone through life, I have come to realize that my patience to open up is truly a virtue. I also learned that my silence was a detriment. My unwillingness often led to heartbreak.

I’m wiser now. I own the keys to my emotions. Not everyone deserves to be let in. I’ll speak the words I kept in my head and in my heart to those who are worthy.

Free Weights and Freedom

It takes a certain type of person to raise their right hand, swear to an oath of enlistment, and enter military service. You must have a desire to serve and be a part of something greater than yourself. Plenty of people almost join the military but never go through with it. There are several standards that must be met including height, weight, legal, and physical fitness standards

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During my time in the Army which spanned over 20 years, I was fortunate to serve with some amazing people and deploy four times to all inclusive resorts in Iraq and Afghanistan!

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When you think of the word freedom, what comes to mind? William Wallace in Braveheart yelling, “FREEEEEDOM?” A bald eagle? As a retired US Army Veteran and Warrant Officer, the word freedom would conjure up an image of me shirtless, toting an AR-15, and having a mullet. Not that there is anything wrong with that, however, I feel a lot of us Veterans think freedom is wrapping yourself in the flag and being ‘Merica as F*ck!

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Today, I am going to describe how I struggled to discover my true purpose through fitness and service and what freedom truly means to me.

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The Army does an adequate job of preparing you to meet the fitness standard through unit physical training (PT). As much as I loved jogging mile after mile and the hundreds of overhead hand claps, I needed more. I developed a passion for fitness and nutrition that turned into a continuous quest for knowledge. As I became further educated, my body and mind reaped the benefits of my hard work and education. Other Soldiers in my unit began to take notice and would come to me for exercise and nutrition advice. I was by no means an expert but it was something I was passionate about and enjoyed helping others reach their goals.

After my last deployment to Afghanistan in 2013 I decided to submit my retirement paperwork. I felt I had accomplished everything I set out to do and my family was excited about returning home to Omaha. My retirement request was approved and I retired from the Army effective 1 February 2015. The transition from active duty to civilian life was not an easy one for me. I needed to show income outside of my Army retirement in order for us to buy a home. I ended up taking a job that made me absolutely miserable. During the summer of 2015 I also developed severe tendonitis in both of my patella’s that forced me to drastically limit my weightlifting. This combined with a job I hated brought on serious depression. I am reserved by nature but this caused me to withdraw from my wife and children. Instead of going to her for help, I shut her out. This led to my wife of 13 years filing for divorce. I take full responsibility for my actions, but I will not shoulder all of the blame. When you are married and say you love one another, you fight for each other. This to me felt more like an ambush and a betrayal.

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It is difficult to describe how the separation and eventually divorce hurt me. A void in my life was created but I needed to find the root cause of my issues. Yes, the job sucked and I was injured, but after some soul-searching I realized the true void was not serving anymore. I just finished serving selflessly for my country and that came to an abrupt end on 1 February 2015.

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After a few months my body recovered and I was back to working out on a regular basis. Though I felt better physically, I still had a burning desire to serve my community. A great friend of mine Jason Collins, who I served with in Iraq and I developed an idea to create the nonprofit organization Free Weights and Freedom. https://www.instagram.com/free_weights_and_freedom/

Our vision and mission is to provide fitness and nutrition classes to First Responders, Veterans, and their family members at no cost to them. Due to the nature of their line of work, these heroes often develop physical and emotional issues. Our organization provides a service that addresses their social, physical, emotional, and family needs. We provide an environment where they can gather socially and become comfortable talking about their problems amongst their peers while becoming physically fit.

 

 

I stumbled upon a TED Talk recently that reinforced what I feel is my true purpose. It asked the following five questions:

  1. Who are you (your name)
  2. What do you love to do or feel supremely qualified to teach people?
  3. Who do you want to do it for?
  4. What do they want or need from you?
  5. How do they change or transform as a result?

I challenge you to think about these and answer them.

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Finding my purpose and pursuing my passion is what provided freedom from the depression I was feeling. Fitness and serving others gave me the freedom to discover who I truly am and become the best version of me.

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Lifting is more than looking good naked. The pursuit of strength has brought me confidence. My children look up to me, respect my discipline, and my work ethic.

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Throughout this series of blogs, I will drill down into my previously stated issues. I ask you join me and discover what your true purpose is and what freedom truly means to you.